so the chest pain/shortness of breath/overdose guy we just took to tm hospital is now running down market street from the police in a gown holding his iv.
don't get me wrong, i like my boss a lot, but not enough to not bang his daughter
sometimes i wish i could just stick a turkey baster up there and suck out the blood
can you explain to me why you commented on every one of my profile pics with "tits and beer ftw" please and thank you.
BLOW JOB GIRL IS IN WALMART
Some people actually refer to her as Kaitlyn you know.
Wow... that's disturbing man, and their not even my balls
it was one of those movies netflix should have sent weed with
Do you think it would be a good idea to mention in my admissions essay that I was the guy that streaked across the soccer field last year?
you grabbed the waitors dick and yelled '2nd base' and then he gave you his number. I hate your life.
As a plus, I've lost 5 pounds in two days, so "party all weekend" is officially a valid diet plan.
HELL YEAH TIME TO KICK THE CHILDREN
The 666th photo in my phone is of him and if that's not a sign that he's secretly the Antichrist, idk what is. Also, bring more rum.
I'm armed with nothing but $4 lip gloss gum and my phone. Ready to take on the fucking world.
It's a shame things ended how they did. We were well on our way to transforming from acquaintances with benefits to friends with benefits.
He licked me while I ate pretzels and chips. I was really living my best life.
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