So I just went home and made my own spanx by cutting the legs off of a pair of nylons. I'm either a genius or missed my calling to live in a trailer park.
I might get fired at work today. I had to prioritize. It's not my fault Cockasaurus came over.
three words: i give head
three words: not that well
We went to the police station completely hammered looking for you. Don't tell me I'm not a good friend.
The only pictures he has from one of the biggest football weekends is an album titled "I miss my dog" filled with tons of pictures of his dog and him. This relationship must end.
I am pretty sure I told him the clouds were earth's purest filtration system and that snow was the rarest and most delicious water in the world. My lips are burning because we ate so much.
I'm not 100% sure, but I think someone gave me a bath last night...
last night we were having sex and i didn't care if i got off. i was just holding up my hand behind his head so i could look at my new ring. i think he knew.
i could have sworn she did an overextended split with her legs over her head but now i think it was just the drugs
I think that the jello shots in bowls is where it all went wrong.
Had sex with the Irish bartender in Spain. So that happened.
I mean your new thing is losing body parts and feeling colors so its not like we are hurting for entertainment
I'm up in my room and I just saw a naked guy sprint out into the streets from my mom's party downstairs
No no no, I want to share him with you. Think of it as me sharing a piece of delicious pie with you. He was THAT GOOD.
I don't want to be flamboyant (says the guy who bought a hot pink suit to be a flamingo for Halloween)--but I don't mind being a little extra.
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