The spoon I was using to ice my hickey just fell out of my purse while i was paying at the liquor store. I look like an alcoholic with a meth problem.
Mr. Last Night just informed me I told him to be very quiet when he left this morning and high-fived him as a goodnight kiss. Drunk me is slutty and manly.
Peanut butter while high is kinda stressful
my summer class's final was canceled bc it interfered with the world cup. he is giving us all A's on it. I love europe
Dwarf fight at five guys. Today was a good day.
we've got reservations. ask for the eat a bag of dicks table
Im positive, your name was on my abdomen, Im pretty sure thats solid evidence
I vaguely remember telling a bum she was worth more than this
Not sure if it is a new high or new low, but i left a basket on the porch of the sorority I woke up at. It had a description of the Minnie Mouse I woke up next to, and Plan B.
Omg. I'm making you a chocolate and "herb" birthday cake and using joints for candles. I'm gunna need moms help with this!
This is my life. Enjoy the view
Wait. We seriously played strip beer pong at the bar last night. Who said I never came up with good ideas
I can't tell if my roommate is crying or having sex and the fact that there's anime in the background is only making this more confusing
He lit a shoe on fire and tried putting it out by peeing on it
I'm hammerd and his penis is still the size of a giraffe's neck
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