I said make yourselves at home, not to put a used condom on my ceiling fan.
I just witnessed someone getting head in the parking garage. Don't ever tell me Baylor is too conservative again.
New swimming pool is best sex toy ever. We are pioneering the doggie-style paddle.
In case you were wondering...putting everclear into a humidifier DOES get you really really drunk.
I like my landing strip. Makes me feel sophisticated.
What you did last night can never be called sophisticated. I don't care how you trim your pubes.
Overslept. So hungover. Apparently texting the first person in my contact list the time I would like to wake up is not how the alarm clock in my phone actually works.
I hate having to put a bra on before I go home cuz I have to pretend I actually went to class today
I have a fever. Last thing I need to do tonight is be elbow deep in old lady pussy.
yeah, I don't think I'm getting into the baseball game tonight. The security guard definitely saw me bowl over that child.
I'm more worried that you thought licking a pole on Bourbon street would turn me on
Well I woke up at my house so that's a plus. But I'm pretty sure I peed on my sofa because I woke up in the pee position.
You're right. I woke up today with my ugly sweater still on and no pants. I'd say it was a successful night.
What are your thoughts toward getting nasty in a minivan?
Dont... please don't. Don't fuck him on his bean bag bed
Maybe for you. You don't have to clean the melted butter off the stove. I LOST THE SPECIAL SEASONINGS.
Randomize
