I am puke
It's one of the reasons i'm here, along with emotional support, physical support if you need it, and power orgasms.
What's a nice way of saying "You fell asleep, and I got bored, so I made out with your brother"?
Aj and I already plan to tape our thumbs to our palms so we know how it feels to be a t-rex.
I'm sorry I compared your vagina to nascar
What a dumb baby whore.
Its... i dont even know. theres lots of rap music and i cant find my shoes
Nobody is here, I still yelled for someone to make me some toast. That my dear is commitment to doing nothing.
I got kicked out of the bar for suggesting that the bartender drop her tits into my Redbull instead of the usual liquor
you were like "guys ... i think i got fingered while dancing tonight"
our poor poor cab driver
No longer is one of my lifelong dreams to ride in a kangaroo pouch. You have eternally ruined that for me. Thank you.
Thought I was doing makeup today for a photo shoot for a short film. WRONG. Try I'm on the set for a Fucking Sci-Fi PORN.
It makes showers more interesting trying to drink a gin and tonic and keep soap out of my eyes at the same time.
You need to calm down.
Hey, Would it be ok if me and your wife have a ladies only night and masturbated on FaceTime together?
I mean, if I asked you, would you cum on cotton candy for me?
Randomize
