The vibrating part of my dildo broke, now I have to rely on gyration.
What's everyones problem with my costume?!
It looks like a unicorn came on your face.
No, we just ended up walking around in his pool high and singing songs by The Wiggles.
I just wnated to let you know that I laminated my history notes so i can study in the shower.
She introduced herself and then asked "have you ever fucked a girl with a cast?"
So last week was the 4th time a girl cried after sex. I'm seriously doing something wrong
True. I'd rather snort cocaine off a homeless guy then work on the weekend...Actually that may not be that bad.
Awkward family moment #1: walked in on my 15 yr old nephew packing a bowl. Nephew says- "lets not ruin christmas and keep this our little secret"
I'm almost too old to be on The Real World but feel like I'm too young to be on The Bachelor and I'm just really confused with my place in life.
I know it was a good night because I got a lecture from my roommates mom about stranger danger
I was going down on her and she started whistling "Whistle while you work." I'm in love.
He cannot be your sugar daddy. He looks like a literal hot dog.
I AM EATING BACON AND CHEESE. FUCK THE BULLSHIT.
I don't know what's wrong with me. The guy from bar rescue is making me horny
Is it weird I can only picture you in my heels naked?
Be proud; I'm a versatile boyfriend
Randomize
