My liver just broke up with me...
Last night i was so high that i came home and did a taste test of every vitamin water and wrote theyre grade down on paper.
theyre just this beautiful family of functioning alcoholics. i want them to adopt me.
Could someone please kill snooki before she contributes to the gene pool.
Thank you blackberry messenger, for giving me a way to sext faster and more efficiently
We're doing a case race on Saturday.
I'm in. I'm currently drinking a beer in the bathtub so I guess I can consider this "practice" and not just "alcoholism"
dude just did a line with screech. dude is fucking creepy
The girl who overdosed in the bathroom at work is back....help?
I'm sorry but I have to break up with you. My wife is pregnant and can't have a girlfriend too.
Dude he's not responding... I'll take that as an unpleasant visit to the clinic
Drunk at ten am watching Californication re runs. Being divorced rules.
You don't know how much I love you. You could play Careless Whisper while we have sex and I'd still love you
I can see their wedding vows now: 'Til basicness do us part
You sending me our unborn, unfertilized babies' names is not what I envisioned when you said you'd "drunk text me later".
I heard Enya coming from steve’s room. I am too high to handle this sudden depth of character
Randomize
