saw him outside... he got fatter, i got blonder. the winner is obvious.
hot girl, 5 o clock
do you know how to read a clock?
new level of vanity: sex dreams about deep throating myself...
I'm ready for this little girl to leave so I can hit the bong already
Woke up with his dick on the side of my face, it's like he passed out mid-mushroom stamp.
You had salsa out and brought a banana on a plate to bed
He told me to put on my big boy pants, then take them off and fuck her before he smacks me with a chair. His pep talks suck.
I'm currently sitting on the floor of a hostel reception area taking swigs of straight vodka, singing with people whose English doesn't go far beyond Lion King songs. I thought you might appreciate it.
Well the weed wore off around 10:30 and then the date dragged on until about 1 in the morning. So I've decided I really need to start smoking closer to the actual start time of a date. Then maybe they'd be more bearable.
Besides. I don't even really like sex because it feels great. I like it because for thirty minutes I own that guys ass.
Sorry for face planting onto the table with all our alcohol on it
So the revenge porn my ex posted just resulted in a contract with a gay porn company. I'm going to make $8,000 this weekend. That would a breakup checkmate. Are you joining me in the legislative committee hearing tomorrow?
drunk and crying about Shakespeare- how's your night?
Nice. Ask if they watched saved by the bell. yes=legal. No=jailbait
I dont know which is weirder.. the fact that i just watched our mom kick ass at beer pong and ride the pole like a true fire girl or the fact that ive never felt closer to her in my life.
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