covered in glitter, my cheek hurts, and theres a handprint on my face. Would i do it again. Absolutly
This dress was meant to end up on your floor
is 1am too late, or too early to make bacon?
My mom asked what the mark on my neck was - I told her I burned it with a straightener.
She believed that the monsterous hickey on your neck was a burn?
well, not really. but then i reminded her that my sister has yet to take that pregnancy test and she conviniently forgot about my hickey
He's warming up to shark week, by only eating fish and drinking vodka, and all the time he keeps yelling "death to the seals!"
Does this sound normal?...She's ironing on pictures of her dead cat to all of her green clothes...
so im sitting outside the gym eating a 20 piece nugget stoned out of my mind, convincing myself this is more productive because im so close to the treadmills.
It wasn't really sex. It was just rolling around, trying to make sure his dick didn't end up in my ass.
Whiskey dick has taught us to be smart with our time.
body shots are frowned upon at family weddings. i'll keep that in mind next time. maybe.
On the way home there was a guy passed out IN the road on Colfax with his pants around his ankles, completely bare assed. If he was dressed as a speed bump, he succeeded.
Why is it that the asexual in our group is the one that gets laid the most often??
Drink water, eat food, and stop tazing yourself
He doesn't wear a seatbelt. He votes Republican. He has a small dick. That house of cards just fell apart.
drunk boyfriend and drunk me are NOT meant for each other
Randomize