im orety awesome arent i? relly i know i am
Taylor Swift is so right about you.
The funny thing about my wife cheating on me is that the guy probably has genital warts now. Sweet.
chris hansen is no longer pursuing child predators.let's celebrate
i'll bring the hard lemonade and lube
We are so in love
so when's the next time you get to see your balls
I woke up and peed for 26 seconds this morning. 26 seconds!
there were at least 5 of us standing around the bathroom stall cheering you on to throw up.
4 random people called me telling me they found him sleeping in the fetal postion on a driveway 45 minutes after we lost him
She's cheated on every boyfriend she's ever had with the same guy. She's like a slutty yo-yo.
We shot off some fireworks at 12 and then I orchestrated the group singing of god bless the USA all while wearing a don't tread on me flag as a cape. I repped hard.
I've got beer and a bag of saltwater taffy and croutons, is that enough for this typhoon thing?
So looks like I applied to adopt a dog last night. I'm completely ok with this
Yeah but then I feel like it's worth it like bro you just stabbed me the least you can do is get me a fuckin otter pop.
There's mini weenies and empanadas everywhere...
What. The. Fuck.
You'll have to be more specific. I do a lot of "what the fuck" kind of stuff
Randomize
