fyi, take the long route to the library. the "can i be your baby daddy?" homeless man migrated back for winter
It smells like wine and fried chicken. Im confused and intrigued.
Just so you know.. I just graduated college with your name still written on my chest
If that doesn't scream bromance I dont know what does
Got hit on at a funeral service by cougar. I think I just got Reverse Will Ferrell'd.
She has a facebook friends list called oops. theres 33 people in it. she said its all the guys she regrets fucking.
Turned on my GPS and all that it said in the search bar was "beer,"
I told him that his face would look perfect between my legs. One of my most successful strategies yet.
He used the expression "my couch is your couch" as a come on line.
i just wrote an ode to an enchilada dorito. i'll need that pregnancy test now please.
Also. When I die, I'm gonna have them put me in the casket naked and then have an open casket funeral. That will be my last chance to make people uncomfortable.
I just thought about how many drinks I had last night and threw up.
I knew my sister shouldn't have gone to the bacherlotte party. Two of the other brides maids have black eyes and my fiancé called me and asked if this is the crazy she's marrying
I am so not sober enough to have a 5 minute conversation in Spanish
You can accomplish quite a bit with a can do attitude and a well placed ice cube.
Perfect attendance and not being drunk since Sunday. This is a new leaf if I've ever seen one
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