Pretending to care about her feelings is becoming a full time job
i actually just woke up with a lampshade on my head. god damn cliches.
it was like he was trying to blow his nose in my vagina
I hope my liver is having as much fun as I am
She made out with me for a free sandwich. What makes you think she is NOT up to my standards?
Alright, my brain isn't sure how to properly function on a Wednesday with no hangover and more than 3 hours of sleep.
Ok, was I really fucked up or was there a chick from Norway in the ice cream shop teaching us Norwegian last night?
This is most sickening thing I've ever seen, and I threw up my body weight in jello shots on my birthday.
Two dudes. Loud music. Dancing shirtless possibly naked. Why would I ever need cable?!
We just broke my bed mid-sex, laughed, then continued. If that isn't true love I don't know what is.
The three of us were sitting silently in my dining room at 4:30 am, half drunk, eating cold spaghetti and listining to death metal. I need a fucking cigarette.
I think one of your friend's offered my friend chicken tenders back at his place...just FYI he should probably come up w/ another line
but seriously, an anthropology paper shouldn't be hard if you're trashed, right?
I'm just glad you didn't end up in Staten Island
I woke up naked holding a taco. My ass couldn't even make it to my bed let alone Staten Island
Fuck you bitch. You're married. You got a live-in dick at home for your needs. I still gotta surf this shitty town's bars for cock
Randomize
