How come twittering sounds sexual?
Because of Bambi.
This isn't the rejection hotline, is it?
You do realize that you're sleeping with a man who is part of a gay harem, right?
I dunno, but she kept buying me shots and asking me to go places with her. oh btw we're signed up to go bungee jumping Saturday
My mouth already tastes like senor cuervo took a piss in it and it's barely 1 am
i'm going to invent a mini fridge that can hang from faucets so i don't have to get out of the bathtub anymore for a cold beer. its a million dollar idea
Look at my eyebrows in this pic! We deffo need to go back to that waxing place.
You have a cock in one hand and a shot in the other. Your eyebrows are not the topic in need of discussion.
Can I just say I love the fact that were in business with guys where I can write a hand job up hoes down text message
Excuse me, but I got friendzoned and all I could think about was the fact that I didn't have my underwear back on yet.
Mmhmmm. I have a list of drunk achievement that is almost as long as my list of stoned achievements
I definitely think you should enjoy one last spring break being a sorostitute before you get serious and settle down with price charming. I mean hes not going to be there any way. he can wait a week.
This is possibly the most humiliating moment of my life. I have diarrhea, in a port-a-potty, at the Renaissance Festival.
he left a full can of coors light underneath my windshield wiper, like a love note. if that's not husband material, i don't know what is
This is like the first time all week I've properly taken my birth control. My ovaries are so stoked I just know it.
she just sent our roommates a message asking them for a parakeet. are you gonna call later?
Randomize
