You drank almost the entire bottle of everclear and wanted to walk around. I guess your best friends sister is a cop and you wanted her to arrest you like the lil wayne song.... so sorry dude.
I was to drunk to drive all the way up there, so we just had rough phone sex instead
Shoot me. Guy hitting on me with a beaver on his head. Says it is his spirit animal.
She's a freaking stalker dude, it's like having some kind of cartoon animal just following around everywhere
Well he fell three stories from the balcony and still had the strength to fuck me for 2 hours.
Had to immediately delete the Bevmo email because I can't even look at an email about alcohol right now.
I couldn't finish the episode and had to lay down because the snapple commercial with the mustache was blowing my mind
I wish I was there to have sex with you on the plane to lessen your anxiety.
That's the nicest thing anyone has over said to you.
I got to see a stripper that did magic last night. It was glorious.
Lesson learned. Don't roleplay with a real knife.
She's got Mike in the bathroom. He's covered in meat.
In other news, Justin Bieber has a big dick and that makes me uncomfortable.
I'm committing myself to dance. Also, I'm unsure if you said space party sounded lame because dude was old, but I hope you're over it because I love space, and I love David Bowie and I love to dance, and you need to embrace this with me.
Yeah, everything was going great until the mugging.
I've been trying to masturbate for the longest time now and so far I've accomplished getting tangled in my computer battery cord and phone charger and hitting my knee on my laptop.
Randomize
