I just woke up surrounded in unopened snacks
I just saw the girl you left with - Chris Hansen's looking for you
my new years resolutions dont apply when im drunk
nothing like celebrating the fact that you're not a father by trying to impregnate other women
The new google images is a smorgasbord of porn now are plans for tonight are off.
Just walk-of-shame'd past fifteen little girls at summer camp. Take a good look girls, I am you in twelve years.
She is trying to turtle bite me and when I pull away she says just let it happen. Then she pulled a poptart out of nowhere
I stole another quarter from the bathroom. I'm slowly getting rich drinking here.
Cops said there's a crazy dude with a mask in my neighborhood. Don't get stabbed.
If he was naked that was me.
Step one go to argentina step two fuck bitches it's a simple plan really
What's great about college is that i can eat chocolate cereal for every meal and call it a money saving technique.
Can you send me the pic of me puking with a quesadilla on my shoulder
I walked in on him jerking it to videos of UFC fighters. The most awkward part: he didn't stop when I walked in.
Tbh.. I hope he still watches our sex tapes so he can be reminded of what he's missing out
she hand cuffed me to the bed naked, jumped off the dresser naked, hit her head on the fan and knocked herself out. when her mom came home i had to call her for help, she could have died man...
Randomize
