I knew you were gonna be a good wingman when the words "dibs on the chunky one" came out of your mouth.
No idea how i never noticed that penis before. I wonder if it works
my secret santa just gave me a pregency test
both roomates are passed out on the floor. I feel like I'm missing out on crucial bonding time by sleeping in my bed.
the vast amounts of cleavage i'm sporting to my final says "no, I didn't study but don't worry I've got something lined up for when I don't graduate".
high in an attic. pig roast in 10.
his grandma walked in on us. twice. and he was truly fucking surprised when i put my pants back on.
well I think it'll pretty much be gone by Saturday. On a scale of 1- Snooki's unborn child how much do periods freak you out?
The bouncer called to give me my shoes back when I got there he said " I'm all cool with fuvking bitches but when you try to to do it in my bar on the pool table you're gonna get chocked out every time"
At least you got your shooes
Remember that time I sent you a 5lb bag of gummie bears?
Like it was yesterday.
Apparently I had it on auto deliver. So whoever is at your apt is gonna gen an interesting delivery...
i sent my dealer a picture of the money i would pay him. i also told him i would pay him in cheez-its if he would prefer that.
no strings attached, like you could fuck him and then throw him off a building right after
They offered me pot brownies in 7 minutes flat. Imagine my horror when I had to be like, are those gluten free?
A guy who takes a plate of chicken tenders away from us is not to be trusted or slept with
He has an 8 pack! HE HAS AN 8 PACK!!!!
Randomize
