My little sister just found a condom in her bag i borrowed... Happy fourteenth birthday.
david just texted me. reply with photo of genitalia? y/n
There are thorn wounds on my balls, don't ever question my dedication to party again
I swallowed your vile semen and you don't know what color my fucking eyes are!?
so i was just informed that i sang that song "pop that pussy ayyy pop that pussy" at the halloween party saturday. iembarrassing.
throwing condoms aimed at his crotch probably isn't the politest way to ask for sex
No I'm not coming over. That Bob Ross drinking game is too intense.
Moment of the night: you were impatient while I paid for the tequila shots and proceeded to lick and salt MY hand for me. This is why we're roommates.
I knew it was on when he was dancing on stage and I gave him a dollar so in return he ripped my tit out of my shirt and started sucking on it IN THE MIDDLE OF THE BAR.
Jake bring pizza.
JAKE BRING PIZZA.
Someone posted a printout of my tits on my door this morning! Where did they get this photo!?!
orgasmnado...tomorrow night
That's what I'm talking about
Oh my god the guy at DQ just gave me the number 69 and winked at me
You were so drunk, you kept telling everyone you had a platinum vagina.
He kept apologizing that the nerve damage makes him take a while to finish. Meanwhile he gave me 3 orgasms and a leg cramp
Only you could benefit from a reckless driver
Randomize
