Flowers- 20. Dinner-50. Drinks- 25. Hotel- 150. The look on his face when I tell him I'm on my period? Priceless.
We walked in and found his glass coffee table broken and you in the bathroom throwing up saying "What a bad first impression."
He tried to say the picture wasn't him. Like I'd forget his curved boner.
Sending me a thank you card for letting you fuck my sister was completely inappropriate
Why is it only times like these when I'm scrubbing the cum stains off my futon before my family gets here that I seriously begin to question my life choices?
update: ifinallt managed t5o be in a. Horizontal position without throwing up... the snmall victories.
I gave him head in my cape. On the kitchen floor. Watching a show about bacon.
Drank a beer through my butt, how's your initiation going?
Also, it was so cold in that bathroom that I saw my crap steaming, a first in my life
I just said give me penis or give me death. Some patriot is rolling around in his grave right now.
Went to take a shower. Brought my wine, forgot my towel.
I woke up in an ill fitting childs tutu this morning and the shower curtain is knocked down. Wtf happened?
The cat was building a spaceship out of the carpet, my legs were cans of tomato sauce, and there was something else in that pot you gave me.
He's on the porch naked. Help.
what a classic moment of my life. A buffet of taco bell and a taser gun.
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