Asian hipster sighting. About to tackle him and ask him to take me to chinatown
Are you drinking alone?
no, i'm watching house
That doesn't count.
wtf, then i'm always alone
there are people swimming in the fountain next to the library... hello senior week
I tried exercising today. I ended up masturbating to the Wii fit trainer.
I am going to be fat forever.
If we ever start off with margaritas for breakfast and end up naked covered in olive oil...I could think of worse ways to spend a day.
He ran around the party with a broken foot/ankle with a gallon of Malibu yelling "it must rain coconut"
Bud light lime after 12 shots of vladdy is like frolickin in a meadow of sweet flavor
I wish your snatch was here
If my snatch could sprout wings I'd fly to you
I plan on just grabbing someone's dick if I have to. They will know what's up. Why else do you go to a bar alone on valentines day?
Oh no. Not her. Her personality clashes with mine in ways that would make me wanna beat myself with a stick.
Biggg time. I found 2 empty packages of extenze in my car this am.... not sure what that was all about
I've made out with more people in 2014 than I did the whole fall semester
You could cut the tension with my nipples.
I'm so stoned. We're making Josh's sister bake us brownies. She's so small and pixie like. Her brownies make me cry tears of happy.
It wasn't as awesome as they lead everyone to believe. No stripper. Ran out of booze. The chipmunk. He was real.
Randomize