Maryland truck stops are full of people with killer mustaches
Drunk fuck. Had to tell him that the 5 second rule does not apply when your in the bathroom at the hockey game.
Who was that guy you went home with?
Hang on, I'm trying to ask his name right now.
all of his pictures were taken on a library computer, how did you even consider fucking him?
weed salsa. i deserve a nobel prize
I should have but it might be too early in this fuckbuddyship to emasculate him
am i so blindsided by his great personality that i'm hooking up with an ugly guy?
i thought you knew
Moment of the night: you were impatient while I paid for the tequila shots and proceeded to lick and salt MY hand for me. This is why we're roommates.
Even jesus won't love me after tonight. I'm going hard.
I'm going to get pregnant and die... Mean Girls warned me about this but I didn't listen
I don't know. Something about answering "what did you do on Sunday?" Seems odd when the reply is, painted, went to the grocery store, put a restraint device on my bed.
I'm high and having a granola buffet this has got to be the healthiest I have ever been
Your the only person I know that needed stiches after a Monday morning conference call. How are you in your 20s? How
How many more of your relationships do I have to destroy before you realize sleeping with me isn't a good idea?
I believe you can. But if you can have rum with breakfast then do that. Definitely do that.
Randomize