Got laid at the last second. Facebook chat is good for something afterall.
blowing a .13 at 10 AM isn't nearly as cool as I thought it would be.
He was wearing a Knicks jersey I had to go home with him. it was a rough season.
I would literally rather jam a rusty rail road spike into my cock than be here right now. The whore showed up and now I might smash my iPhone into my face repeatedly until I'm no longer consisting of any sort of life.
I don't think everyone found it as funny as I did... Nothing says "Party's Over" like the sound of a pump action shotgun.
...im seriously confused as to why this doesn't make sense to you. Girl hostage, rob casino. Makes perfect sense.
Peed in a sink tonight. That drunk. I'm not proud of myself for what I did. But to carry it out with such class. I should be awarded
You know it's been a rough year when your therapist mouth is just wide open. And I didn't even get to the real issue!
Again??? Now we can't ever fucking go there again STOP PEEING IN FOYERS
I came so hard I burst a blood vessel in my eye. If i cant marry this girl, I'm gonna have to switch teams.
guys with girlfriends don't have a leg to stand on when they get mad at you for fucking other guys
I just want to trick people into going on dates with me so they can bring back to their houses and let me use their wifi.
I never thought wine and chicken nuggets would end up being a thing that I did, but here we are
The night's not a success unless at least 60% of participants wake up with bite marks on their genitals the next morning.
I don't know what kind of parties you go to, but we should hang out more often.
Can u pick me up? Lost my keys.
Sure. FYI- you "lost" them on the roof, trying to throw them over the house.
Randomize
