Fell off bed. Face first. 10 stitches. huge scar on forehead. totally going to start telling ppl my parents died fighting Voldemort.
had to bail. she had her cat tattooed on her
Tequila bombs in champagne seemed like a good idea at the time.
It took me 6months to figure out that he only had one testicle.
You wouldn't be the first friend to shit himself in the last 7 days
Woke up fully clothed in bed sleeping on my purse.....we're back!!!
Wanna get really high and go on a Valentine's Day Sexathon cause we're both single or would that be weird?
I'm turning twenty & the only honorable way to exit my teens is by slapping the fuck outta the bag. You better be in.
I have the most nasty and explicit wet dreams of my boss that I'm embarrassed to look him in the face. I'd be pregnant or promoted if he only knew
Texas awaits me. And all the cocks that live there too.
My Dicks been hard all day. Poor guy isn't used to vacation being over
...take a good look at your butthole.... then try matching it to any paint color on the Benjamin Moore color wheel....not gonna happen...
All because of that GODDAMNED MIKE PENCE.
I got my gum stuck on his balls.
He had me sit on his face until I begged him to stop, then held me there 5 minutes longer. I rested my head on his chest, told him I needed time to recover....and slept for 6 hours. By the time I woke, he was already at work. I just sent him a countdown times until his shift is over.
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