Was just hit on by a guy with 2 kids and one was named Rocky. I need to get out of Buena Park.
Just bought purple Ray Bans. If there was any small chance that I would ever have sex with women ever again, I just buried it.
Tonight i am praying for god to turn my pussy into apple pie because i cant count the number of times bruce chooses food over sex.
I'm so high I used the top vent on my dashboard to heat up a cheeseburger
I just got fire extinguished by his roommate while we were having sex. That's just taking cock blocking to a whole new level.
i suspect the closest i'll get to a valentine this year is a 16 year old on chat roulette asking me to show my tits. step up from last year, i guess.
this is never going to happen for me, I think he thinks I'm crazy
well you did scream "PLEASE! I'LL S YOUR D IN FRONT OF EVERYONE"
My uncrustable is thawing in my straightener
Apparently I walked up to him, mumbled something incoherently, then started to make out with him. Why does this always happen.
Thanks for pulling me out of the bed by my feet atleast one of us was sober enough to know I had work at 5 am.
soon, soon....
I don't believe you anymore. You're like the boy who cried coitus.....
Homeboy just asked me to strip for him. He should not be this horny and allowed to be in Vegas with his kid.
I turn into such a nice and loving person when I take Vicodin
So I had this brilliant idea that I would sleep in all sorts of sweatpants and sweatshirts... Apparently I thought I could "sweat" off the drunk in my sleep and that it would make me feel better when I woke up
Well when we Get drunk it gets rowdy. We could always attempt self-control. But historically and statistically speaking, we fail at that.
Randomize
