Weird question, would you want to do fetish porn? you get paid.
Places you have drunkenly threatened to piss: my bed, my bros bed, my moms bed, my bros wedding
Just painted my nails at the bar... I may be getting too comfortable here.
I would have thought, as two of my best friends, you girls could have cought me as I fell out of the shower. There are so many bruises.
one night of dollar margs at dinner and dollar beers at the bar later, i am throwing up in his shower and gurgling soap and water to kill the taste of sin in my mouth. dollar days need to stop endng like this.
Just put an ad on Craigslist for a fake groom... I'm sure only non creepy sane people will respond to it
I know everybody has skeletons in their closet but why are all of mine so slutty?
I made him fuck me with my coat zipped up and a unicorn mask on. That level of drunk sex. Weird and creepy yet highly satisfying.
I am so sorry for drunk texting you r kelly lyrics
I kept on yelling at him to get his shit together as he was puking
The difference in our lives is summed up perfectly in that you woke up next to a 6'4" guy with an accent and I woke up next to an unwrapped piece of string cheese.
So how do you explain to your boss that Siri called him mid sex?
U know this is gone far when im in the bathroom trying to take a pic of my asshole
Everything is fine, it's not hung over in here at all\n\n*Narrator* *but in fact everything was not fine*
Thank you for always being there for me.
Sorry wrong derek... Do u have any weed?
Randomize
