I don't know where I am, but its a Goosebumps novel waiting to happen.
So then I sent a pic msg of the Magnum XL box to her friend
Taking jello shots out of a big bowl from a measuring spoon. holla atcha boy.
the way i see it him paying 500 bucks for my fake abortion is karma's way of punishing him for cheating on his wife
I remember trying to cut the power to a house I thought was "too bright to understand the meaning of christmas". Pretty sure I blacked out down the street.
I was running around taking people's drinks at the bar and just dumping it into my Gatorade bottle screaming roofies.
Still want to know how you got back last night? Two Campus Security Officers carried you in around 430. Your pants were around your ankles.
I hate Sailor Jerry.
Here's a tip. Don't party with someone that needs sexual attention. Drinking and sexual attention don't mesh well in the morning. Especially over a bowl of Cheerios.
Vodka?
Forever.
I realize it truly is impossible to burrow under the grass like a mole. Let's not drink for at least another 3 days.
Just had my first american. He tasted like freedom.
I'm sorry I lead life with my vagina.
Just had to read the instructions to my microwave. How am I so high?
If I don't get alcohol poisoning from tonight I don't think i ever will.
I climbed on the arm of the futon, flapping my hand fan frantically and hissing imprecations at the smoke detector
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