Pretty sure somebody just said 'I used to have a nipple'
that's awkward
Balls are like the throw pillows of the penis
And then he asked me why the subtitles were in Arabic. The television was off.
I don't want to eat him, he probably tastes terrible.
he said he has something really important to tell me but isn't ready yet. It's either that he loves me or has herpes
Quick question: how long can sperm live in a rug?
No mixer. Vodka in yogurt?
Pretty sure that I got the MVP of wedding reception... woke up on the bench in the hallway of a hotel and we did NOT start the night there.
I want to celebrate with you...
There's nothing I'd like more than a celebratory "The guy I'm doing just found out he's not a baby daddy" dinner.
Europe's "the final countdown" was playing. It was pretty much amnesty for anything that might happen the rest of the night. It's a rule.
I just contemplated drinking cheese dip. And by "contemplated," I mean "attempted and was forcibly stopped from."
I started crying then my dog licked his dick so yeah.. Kind of ruined the moment.
My mom just made me promise her that i'll care about the next guy I sleep with
I went to Christian school in the 90s. I can finger blast anything, but dignity.
If my plane goes down do me a favor. Break into my house and get the batman costume and swing out of my bedroom.
Randomize
