Dude, I just went to take a piss and looked at my ballsack... Underneath was labled "L" and "R"
My new years resolution is to be alive new years morning
Turning 21 on Saint Patty's day. I like to think this is what my alcoholic ancestors have prepared me for
its 4am and she invited me over to split a 'romantic bowl of frosted flakes'...really dude?...what do you think she's trying to say?...she better not be kidding about the frosted flakes though.
Made out with a girl in a wheelchair and rode her around while I was blackout. On a new level.
I was dressed as bob Ross as this occurred
I don't think I have but I might've died. If I have then come get me, I'm in the flower bed. And still game.
He needs to stop telling me how much he respects me. What does that even mean
It wasn't until I took a shit, that I remembered that you assholes started spiking my shots with tobasco when I wasn't looking last night. Dicks.
I BIT YOU IN THE DINING ROOM. I bit you and you crunched
The cop told us he we helped him pass his monthly bong quota. He almost ran out of room on the hood of his car..
Just found out my rents have been paying my siblings to cockblock me for the past 5 years
Not as covert as you thought huh?
Just used the handle end of a spatula to get the baggie of coke wedged between my passenger seat. Innovation points?
Have you ever tried to have sex with a fairy? My penis is literally bigger than her.
I smoked a joint in the bathtub at 8 am then went back to bed
but dude how did I get so drunk?
Pretty sure it happened right after you poured a shot of Wild Turkey into your Budweiser, chugged it, and screamed "I. NEVER. BACK. DOWN!"
Randomize
