I just feng shui'd our living room furniture. You may be mad in the morning
her vagina looked like a handful of raisins.
is it really weird I just got "suckable tits" in my honesty box and I'm flattered??
the fair has chocolate covered bacon...impossible is nothing.
she's like bobby knight all she does is scream and point
don't worry about the neighbors I'm like 99% sure all that snow covered a good portion of our vomit
The fact you even thought licking it would fix it boggles my mind
Well it worked
Not the point
I have yet found the courage to put pants on. No judgement thursday led to no shower friday and now no pants saturday. God i miss college.
I give you full permission to fuck a rando on my air mattress.
did the fire alarm go off at the party last night I kind of remember a fire alarm noise
omg omg i ripped it out of the ceiling omg
You kept saying we got to find the end of the rainbow, which turned out to be a box of lucky charms and Guinness in the bag of cereal
Is it OK to disqualify a potential therapist if she lists 50 Shades of Gray as her favorite book? Or is that a good thing?
I feel like my sexual preferences are just another sign that I am a 75 year old drag queen in a 29 year old woman's body.
So apparently being drunk at work isn't allowed.. who knew?
I'm so horny right now but I JUST put my fuckin lasagna in the oven
Randomize
