So baked. Thought the twigs on the sidewalk were caterpillars with the ability to harden in self defense. Had to pick one up to be sure.
I just watched her pee in a trashcan, im still probably going to fuck her, what does that say about my standards
I don't think we should have started that trash fire
Just please never masturbate in my bed again. I'm burning my sheets as I write this.
there is something about beer and popsicles that make the world go round
nope. just stoned. wishing i had a golf cart.
three guys with a tattoo of the Walmart rollback smiley holding up a middle finger on their ass=free drinks in every bar
The whole time we were hanging out my vagina was yelling at me like its a real live penis that wants to have sex with us what are you doing
My walk of shame wasn't complete until I projectile vomited clutching my truck bumper while he just smiled with that look of regret.
I've been back for one day and I've already given two bjs. Improvement from last year.
You can't talk like Dr. Evil to me five minutes after the greatest orgasm of my life.
AND I woke up to eggs in my bra. Thanks Taco Cabana...
I had to google some of the kinky sex shit she was telling me she was into.
If that is not a reason to propose to her then I don't know what is
How bad is it that I can say that this isn't the first time a married man, who is in the military, has tried to make me his mistress?
She grinded so hard on my face that I've got rugburn on both eyelids
Randomize
