the only thing i have to deal with now is the fact that i'm still wearing spandex shorts from last night
so stoned i ashed in my jack and coke like 4 times. drinking it anyway
Just stole a goat. Bringing it to your house to cock block. Blame the goat not me.
Contents of my pockets this morning: phone, condom, one hoop earring, half a cheeseburger, lighter and a $87 receipt from tacobell. Time for work.
it's like my freshman wet dream come true
My entire summer has consisted of being too drunk for this shit, too sober for this shit, or too hungover for this shit.
it was fucking weird. cops showed up but they appreciated our 3 story bong. and then some girl tried to steal our cheese and butter
The homeless guy who goes through my garbage cans just gave me a flyer for an AA group.
Do you think I'm short enough to dress up in a ghost costume and go trick or treating and have people believe that I'm actually a child?
Update: day 5 and Scott has not left the apartment. Still smoking. Pizza roll supply dwindling.
ED guy's penis finally worked last night. It was a Festivus miracle!
I mean seriously with your cock and my tits combined we could rule the world. Pinky and the brain style
i need something from you. video yourself doing naked jumping jacks and send it to me. it will make me smile
You were so drunk last night that you fell thru the bathroom door at the bar, ripping it off the hinges in the process. But, your birthday tiara stayed on thru the whole thing. I'd call it a succcessful evening. Happy birthday kiddo!
Car sex in a public place. Boo ya.
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