Apparently every Tri-Delt knows what I did and I am blacklisted from ever dating anyone in that house.
Well ya you lied, told her you cared, took her virginity and then broke up with her at Christies Toy Box.
I honestly thought the dildo was a nice parting gift.
just jacked off in the bed i was conceived in.
I woke up hungover and reached for a glass of water only to realize too late that it was vodka sprite with my splooge in it.
there are people swimming in the fountain next to the library... hello senior week
now that you've tased me I refuse to buy you flowers
It feels like my uterus is trying to crawl out of my ass wearing cleats. And yourself?
Every grown women needs to pee herself once in her life. It builds character.
Mark just took 50mg Viagra. Tonight should be interesting for the neighbors.
Any day that has a special name thats capitalized means you need to need to call in sick and get day drunk. That's why they are there.
come over. We can flirt with the criteria for substance abuse and talk about our daddy issues
I jammed my finger giving him a hand job. Don't ask how, I'm still trying to figure that out.
Drunk wound on my leg hast healed and neither has my dignity
It's like jay gatsby himself preordained that our genitals meet again.
You know Sunday Funday was a success when 'puke and rally' came at lunchtime on Monday.
Shriek
Fuck my life he IS a stripper, Ive been sleeping with a stripper named Phoenix. damnit, I knew the sex was too good
Randomize
