so i slept on a park bench last night...no hobo
is it bad that the cashier at chick-fil-a shouted "see you tomorrow!" as i drove away?
im going to forcibly insert an angry corn snake into his urethra
He threw up in the campfire, the alcohol in his puke caught on fire. Im marrying this man
Chris threw beer can at guy. Guy ended up being a fighter. Chris got his eye socket broke. Fighter got hand re-broke. Chris is passed out. Fighter is in kellys bed. everybody won last night. I think.
I woke up with flowers, a tiara & pasta salad in my bed. Tequila makes me act like a fat Disney princess
He blacked out at the first bar and passed out at the second...we just carried him to bar three and four and sat him in the lounge chairs, he said we're amazing
I just want to have such an intense orgasm that my heart stops and I die. I mean that would kind of suck for the guy I'm fucking but then again he could be like "I'm that good"
BGSU move in weekend. Just passed a house w a beer pong table set up, ppl already playing, girls holding signs that say "son drop off". It's 10:30 am.
These beer shits have taken over my entire life.
I have no idea what happened last night, but my pee is neon green.
I'm at the back whiskey bar with a 7 and 7 in a winnie the pooh costume. Come find me.
Between randomly bursting into tears and the reappearance of my lost sex drive, this break up has left me bizarrely damp.
So I woke and tried to get up. Then I realised my foot was stuck in the pocket of the pool table.
One of your 'guests' left her bra in the kitchen.
Dude, does it look like any of the women I bring home wear bras?
Randomize
