"reccomended dose" hasn't been in my vocabulary for quite some time.
Either allow it in a formal toast or i will drunkenly tell your in-laws while i'm dancing on their table. either way, the truth is coming out
It was good I woke up with my mattress on top of me. I walked around naked the whole night as people wished my Happy Birthday.
The ice cream man just told me to use protection.
Just threw up. It looks like I may have swallowed a cigarette.
I think I just asked the Greek gyro guy on a yoga date.
Im chasing shots of tequila with chocolate milk right now. by myself. its nasty, but I've had worse in tjere the past couple days, so ill take it.
This storm betta not fuck with taco tuesday
I think I just legit sprained my wrist from holding myself up while giving a blow J. God dammit come already
My lighter is stuck in my beard.
If I stopped drinking I'd have to take up murdering.
I literally am filling up a victoria's secret bag with stuff that would give my parents a heart attack to hide in my roommates' room. This is being an adult when parents visit
I've never been so excited to be bleeding from my vagina.
Come cuddle! I'll be passed out somewhere in the library. It'll be like a scavenger hunt!
Came up to an intersection and someone was blasting My Chemical Romance at like 9 AM. They're DEFINITELY having a good day
Randomize
