youll never guess who i didnt fuck at that party
Just joined the godiva rewards club. Who's the fat friend now.
I don't have the money to get a cast so we made one from stuff at the craft store.
You came in at two thirty, wearing your underwear and a tie then asked where you could find a sombrero and a pair of stilletos that would fit your men's size thirteen feet.
found her sleeping in the closet. woke her up and she said she was camping.
and he should realize what an amazing ex i am for encouraging my best friend to hook up with him
I don't know what kind of soup they made, but it smells like condoms.
Hahahaaa There's this one girl crying hysterically and wrapped around (i believe) her ex's leg. He's trying to shake her off without spilling his beer. This is fucking priceless.
Hey so when you left last night was i wearing shoes?
Would be in best interest to sanitize the DVDs
CAN I WEAR ASSLESS CHAPS TO SUNDAY BRUNCH OF JUDGEMENT????
So do you remember the bartender that caught me when I fell off the bar 4 weeks ago? He hasn't been to work since...Woops.
we've talked on the toilet we're linked now
Pray for me.. I'm like the lonely vagina in a sea of sworming dicks
You told me you didn't want to go to the hospital because you were drunk, but because you didn't want to leave the "fun".
Randomize
