Starbucks introducing alcohol. i hear angels singing.
I just put anything in between my legs and hope for the best.
I feel like i'm in the derek zoolander school for kids who can't read good.
im at a loss of words.... a stripper is dancing to a Justin Bieber song.
Eating meat and looking at porn while roommate is at church for Ash Wednesday. Win.
you know you've made it when it's your own pool table you're waking up on
She punched my vomit. In midair. Back into my mouth.
Drunk off five beers on a Tuesday. I'm not sure which part of that statement is more sad
All I know is that your reaction after this date with him was "I think I did cocaine" so I'm sold on this boy
Gotta admit I did think about bartering you out to the gay guys for $20 and the dudes flashy neck scarf
Found my id. It was in the cats litter box. Seriously what was last night.
The teenager outdrank all of us. All. Of. Us. I woke up and she was getting everyone water and fruit snacks. I give up.
I want you more than I want a burrito.
I'm not as filling.
He literally shoved the EMT, climbed in the back of the ambulance with his vodka and was like, "C'mon, people. Wrap this up. I got shit to do."
I want to ride that like one of the Horsemen of the Apocalypse- with bourbon in hand and without mercy.
Randomize
