maybe we dont have boyfriends because we dont have tans
You should just wear a sign that says "I like cheap Chinese food and anal"
I like taco bell too
he actually used the line "do you have a map, because i'm lost in your eyes" and i was to drunk to care
I found a horn on the street but it's okay I disinfected it with vodka
I probably looked like a mental patient. I had my IV in one hand and cup of pee in the other, swaying around with a dazed grin on my face. I love vicodin.
The number of times I've puked in the Walgreens bathroom is becoming way too many for my pride.
Apparently I'm the last girl he had sex with. That was over a month ago. If he can go that long without sex then he's clearly not the guy for me
I have suspicion of morning wood.
How are you unsure as to the current state of your penis?
Currently hot boxing a fort I made on our snow day... This is legendary
5 minutes Isn't even long enough to bring me even close to an orgasm. How selfish. Think about baseball and fuck me you idiot.
You know the sex was good when he had to ask which way was north before he left.
An orgasm and grocery shopping is the appropriate start to every Monday.
Keep in mind this was 2012... YOLO was a very new concept.
you found yr lighter in yr cleavage and said so that's where you've been all my life
There's so many drinking games in the Olympics.
you missed out this chick was licking her paddle
Randomize
