I mean I can't believe yesterday ended w/ your house getting firebombed. What an unexpected turn of events
i'm so high i feel like the people i'm chatting with online can some how see that i'm naked.
thats the last time i clean cum out of my retainer.
My mom and I were trying to explain to my sister what an uncircumcised penis looks like. We had some minor disagreements.
I'm functioning at the level of a challenged walrus.
i dont know what was worse.. snorting the wasabi or puking on the neighbors dog
I just found the gloves and lightbulb I stole. Did you pee on a ATM inside a bank?
I broke my arm trying to do a hand stand in my shower to wash the hate out of my asshole.
literally just blacked in. Im watching what to expect when your expecting, eating pretzels and peanut butter, and I have someone's underwear around my neck.
He posted a picture from Senor Frogs. I don't remember where that bikini came from and my sombrero is PERPENDICULAR. Safe to say it was one hell of a day
I met a guy last night who bought me a book on Amazon at the bar and then we had sex. Boners for books is a thing. Boom.
I couldn't find my hair brush so I just brushed my hair with a cat brush. I should not be dating.
He has me blocked on facebook.... so I stalked him using my cats fan page.
Its not something you can force it it just has to happen like a rainbow or pooping
I would totally suck a dick for some poutine right now
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