Just took my morning after pill in the library
He didnt have condoms & didnt trust himself to pull out. Thats when I knew he was a keeper. So I blew him so he knew I was a keeper too.
True romance of the 21st century.
He snuck out of bed at 9 am and came back with pizza and a bottle of wine. I think I'm in love!
Last night in my drunkenness I bought hurricane supplies which included a jug of wine and a bouquet of flowers. Apparently I'm going to woo Irene.
Told some chick I'm a virgin, on my way to her house as I type this. Debating crying afterwards to fuck with her head.
Just got that "I know what's going on with your vagina" look from that CVS cashier.
You bought MORE?!
Im going..... Drinking all day and hand jobs from 18yr old emo rich girls that are just trying to get back at mom and dad for being to protective...SOLD
hes fine. but he did fall asleep while tebowing and started snoring
I discovered a new stretch mark. DONE. LITERALLY DONE.
There's "red head", "preppy white girl" and "the two Asians I dated and now everyone thinks I like Asians"
Your dating history is like the united colors of Benetton
I was supremely disappointed in the lack of dick and doughnuts in my life last week.
You gave my cousin a blowjob and are facebook friends with my mom. Is there a name for this level of friendship?
I have 13 missed calls from when I slept outside on some rocks
So apparently, after 11 beers, 2 pitchers of sangria and 3 rhum & cokes, the idea of popping a load of MD and jumping on the trampoline, in the woods, in my underwear was the best one ever.
just had sex in a stairwell with six feet five inches worth of drama
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