I just needed to know whether or not to wear panties to work tomorrow.
he's super hid and wouldn't leave us alone so i snatched his phone and started texting lovelink (thanks for a well-timed commercial) that will cost him money. muhahaha
Tell mom and/or dad that I am going to be home late. I am really blazed. Don't tell them that part, though.
Realized I'm still to drunk to comprehend work emails. Marked them all as unread. Here's to responsible hang overs.
and being hungover still at 4 in the afternoon is NOT "having allergies"
You are softly singing to the wall while slow dancing with it. I feel as though you should discontinue this behavior.
$100 bras are my way of telling my boobs that I love and appreciate them, and all the metaphorical doors they have opened for me.
did you know that my friend knows a guy with 3 balls what the actual fuck
Just killed a snake in my bed! And by killed I mean hit repeatedly with my fist. And by snake I mean a lump in the covers. And I pissed my pants.
The fact that I am laying in bed on my stomach with an ice pack on my rump is a clear indication that I am no longer in my carefree 20s
I saved him in my phone as "Well-Hung Burrito Savior." I love Taco Tuesday.
Nothing says "Hello, Adulthood!" quite like receiving a dick photo at 11AM from a guy you haven't heard from since fifth grade.
She couldn't understand why my walking in on her 70 year old parents ruined any chance of a boner for at least an hour. I think she's too slow for me to fornicate with.
I told him no rough stuff and he immediately bit my ass. Who the fuck does that?
Heeyy... sorry I got so drunk. You probably don't ever want to see me again. Thank you for dealing with me when I tried to jump over the deli counter for some mayonnaise.
Randomize
