I'm at this poker game and this kid to my left is bragging about all the chicks he hits including a "playboy model" when all of a sudden this 22 guy looks him in the eye and says "ever fuck a 70 woman. The things they can and are willing to do" Next think the whole table is quiet for an hour. That guys my hero...
miscarriage! now THATS a gift from god.
imagine a blue Jetta with an ILLINOIS license plate that read JISLORD..... upon pondering it for 10minutes I came to the conclusion that J stood for JESUS and IF the license plate had enough room it would read "Jesus Is Lord"
Ha Ha the cop that just pulled me over would like me to tell you hi!
frozen peaches as icecubes. vodka Sundays just got wayyyy better
Captain Phil from deadliest catch died... im trying to think of a memorial fb status but "ill miss your crabs" doesnt sound right
i crashed through a building. if that counts then yes, i went out with a bang.
Tonights theme there is the 7 deadly sins. Greed, envy, sloth, gluttony, sluttiness, fellatio and vodka.
i know this sounds kinda weird but his cock smelled like fabric softener. it was so refreshing.
I owe you 20 bucks. My blood work did show liver damage.
How long after mardi gras is it considered okay to wake up topless and wearing beads?
There a special place in hell for drunk criers. A special FUCKING PLACE
He wanted me to come over on Christmas...inviting your fuck buddy over for the holidays is just something you don't do.
He put his number in my phone as Steve handsome
In hindsight, maybe rearranging his living room because he has OCD while he was out wasnt the greatest idea. Though it'll keep him busy for HOURS
Randomize