bobby jindal makes me wanna cover my ears. you make me wanna smile.
If that ambulance is off to save our dignity, please tell them it's too late...
i saw a stretcher and literally ran around for 10 minutes telling people it wasnt for me
I only want to screw him when I'm drunk. Problem is I try to be drunk as often as possible
Tonight when I'm getting a bj from a stripper I'm gonna imagine it's you bobbing down there
I've come to the conclusion while folding laundry and watching porn that I may be dead inside.
Its not that hard, just find a girl reading 50 shades of grey and point her my way
So maybe I got drunk and hooked up with him in a hot tub? I mean that's nothing to be ashamed of, that kind of takes talent. I'd drown.
I'm convinced he's the patron saint of oral sex
So when I walked out, everyone was chanting ONE OF US, someone draped a lei over my head, and then she grabbed my ass and dragged me back into the bedroom. I'd say it was a pretty good night to lose my virginity.
Can you send me the pic of me puking with a quesadilla on my shoulder
There is a dude riding on one of those standing wheel things inside forever 21. Calm down.
He was tied up with the electrical tape and force fed wine from a box. It was never going to end well.
Last time we had sex i was dressed like a ninja turtle and someone else was in our bed, so this time should be fine.
I hope ur kiddin
wish i was
I’d clean the kitchen before making food. Mark “rang in the New Year” with some rando in there last night
Randomize