also, i may or may not be wearing a cape right now. hint: i am.
Why is my head in the toilet this morning but there is vomit behind the toilet
We're having the conversation about what happened last night, all we can come up with is that we came home, drank two litres of lemonade, I took one of her seizure pills and we fell asleep with sabrina the teenage witch on
What part of "you pissed in the tent" do you not understand?
u got into a flexing contest with a dude in bathroom in the mirror at the club
The bouncers kicked us out around 3 so we went to the grocery store flasks in hand and asked them to turn up their music...
I just woke up eating some beef jerky with my cat. I think she opened the bag for us.
It's like if a cloud had tits and you laid on them.
He was wearing a tux and a big sombrero so it automatically made the flute he was playing totally cool
Moments after comforting her about her boyfriend issues I found myself in the other room showing him my tits.
I mean I'm not saying I have my life together but I did just put nerds in a bottle of champagne and then drank from the bottle
Why is there a mildly painful bruise on my back?
You slipped off the sink last night.
Why was I on the sink......?
;)
Currently eating a pop tart in my underwear waiting for the washer. Not one of my prouder moments.
good morning. i just did a walk of shame in front of his grandmother.
I am so dumb. I made a mistake and let him get away.
Don't worry, there are other penises in the sea.
Thanks, mom.
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