I swear to god Kristen, if this "cute" guy you are trying to hook up with's friend asks me if we can role play, and I play his mother one more time, Im leaving. You have 3 minutes to save me or I am out.
We were so tired we rock paper scissored for who would be on top. I won.
hey did I tally my arm again of # of shots?
nope, you were tallying rejections at the party
While in Europe, he bought me a pouring tap to put on my liquor so I don't spill. This means 2 things.1) He really loves me. 2) I'm a noticeable alcoholic.
Sucks about the cops last night
to be honest when I first looked up I wanted to know who was coming from a costume party..
I think Charlie st. Cloud is the saddest thing I can masturbate to.
story update. I'm locked out of my house. Walk of shame advisory extended...
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
I took your mattress from your bed. Don't ask questions. Love you. See ya later.
I have walked into stripper central, but I'm on the street at 1:00 in the afternoon
Trying to figure out why my back is hurting. And then I remember I got fucked up against a tree last night
And he put my hair in my clip while i blew him...and he did a good job
My co-worker accidentally texted me regarding the threesome him and other one are planning.
I need to leave my mind and my stupid vagina are having fight over who's right
With each thrust he'd whisper "like a ninja." Should I be flattered or appalled?
Randomize
