FYI: Do not ever call any girl a thundercunt as a form of dirty talk.
i'm not sure when it happened but apparently now it's topless bar night, im wearing a leotard and everyone is looking at me like i'm cheating.
She was our DD the least I could do is have sex with her. Even when drunk I'm still chivalrous.
Were going to have to vacuum the bathtub, great party
You made me pull over because you thought a leaf was a twenty rolling across the road.
It's been hot as balls outside. It's like getting tea bagged by the Sun.
Hey to make you feel better about last night, I just shit my pants.
I told him I was on the pill and it was OK to fire away. I want to never have to wear panty house or ever go to an office again. This is my early retirement plan. I want half of his NBA money.
No Bryan wants to get drunk, rub inappropriate dudes legs, talk about my vagina and send me pics of his boomerang dick. That's not how you watch basketball.
That's how he does EVERYTHING!
It's funny that when I fall down as an adult I'm so much happier no one saw than that I'm not seriously hurt.
i need to un-sleep with a few of those brothers before we ever go back to that house again. i'm serious. i will not be a fraternity groupie.
McDonald's and a car nap. I feel kinda human
Based on my calculations, I should be blackout by approximately 11:14pm and that's when I need you to take my phone away from me. Mkay?
i feel like doing his laundry was not included in the job description when we became fuck buddies.
If you wear a peguin suit you MUST send me a picture!!!
Randomize
