The greatest thing of my life happened today. I took a shit and it formed a smiley face. It's going to be a fucking fantastic day.
Just saw 3 10-year olds in business suits drinking iced coffees at the cafe. I'm officially a failure if these kids have jobs and I don't.
the whole city is out of plan b pills. this is the meanest game of musical chairs ever.
He scored a 8.5/10 on that girls powerpoint. Of course I slept with him
He offered me a ride home but i walked. He lives by an elementary school so a 10 yr old safety officer helped me across the street during my walk of shame
His sombrero wouldn't fit in the car and I had to buy him some Jack to make him stop bitching. You owe me
Will it be a clothes optional week when I get there? I have an amazing outfit of tattoos and toenail polish planned.
He tried to puke in the 14th hole and when I told him to stop he started chanting "hole in one hole in one"
Never thought I would be taunted by little kids about my walk of shame
Lol I screamed "GOT AN ORDER OF VERSACE TACOS UP" and the whole kitchen was just like who the fuck is this kid
I may have been mad at the Supreme Court/patriarchy and tried to hate fuck myself.
I'm glad we can *facepalm* it together over the married couple we fucked separately.
I hope you have your own chainsaw cause I didn’t buy one for you. It was a gross oversight on my part
i should probably stop doing things just because i think they’re funny. i’m not going to.
If I don’t find a quality dick soon I’m going to beg the neighbor for another threesome with her and her husband. It’s like Covid killed all the quality penis Vegas normally has
Randomize