holy crap !! There is a MIDGET FAMILY in one of my rooms today !
How much trouble would you get into if you were to stomp down the hallway while loudly saying 'Fe Fi Fo Fum...'
she is using a fork to eat popcorn and refuses to drink gatorade out of anything but a margarita glass... did i mention the popcorn is on a plate?
Just did a kegstand with my dad. Happy fathers day.
She took a picture of me when she thought I was sleeping. I don't know whether to be amused or scared.
So he might be the smartest man alive. He had the stripper pick him up taco bell on the way to the room for an extra 50 bucks.
"guaranteed dick" "anywhere - her room, my room, trees, couch"
Sorry that was quotes about you from the grad student.
all law school has taught me so far is how to fart quietly during lectures and how to out-argue the ice cream guy when he screws me out of extra toppings.
I ate her out for so long I might actually shit a vagina
I wish I was in the big bed with a naked you post sex eating chicken nuggets
sometimes when you're high at work you just have to say fuck it and eat the dog treats
I think I'm going to add the date I dumped his sorry ass as a life event on FB.
I think that's justified.
I have the overwhelming need to take care of him. Both with my vagina and like emotionally.
I still hate everything and everyone around me. Krampus taught me nothing.
You know, finding my first grey pube at 34 is FAR more distressing than finding that first grey hair at 13.
I DO NOT FUCKING WANT OR NEED THIS INFORMATION!
Here's the "to do" list i just found on my phone: buy stripper pole, make sex playlist, buy febreeze
Randomize
