So instead of cumming in her, I peed in her...
What did she do!?
I didn't tell her...
dude your alot more fun to hang out around now that your addicted to coke...but seriously you need to stop
she was drooling, sharted in her sleep, rolled over stuck her hand under the covers pulled it back out, smelled it and moaned and rolled back over. i almost added puke to the disgusting bodily fluid category.
you know its a sad night when you can actually see and hear sitcoms on at the bar
Dude we need to petition the city about running buses later, none of my booty calls own cars
He came home all fucked up crying slammed his bedroom door and all we could hear for about three hours was THIS ISN'T GONA RUIN MYLIFe what happend
I told him I got this chick pregnant and he has to get a new wingman
I did the walk of shame in nothing but a sleeping bag and now I'm on my way to pick up plan B. Let's not make a habit of this.
Sounds like a good New Years
We haven't been trashed enough to shut down a bar together in four days. I'm starting to worry that we're growing apart.
I may or may not of seen my high school physics teacher making out with my old high school boyfriend at the bar last night
I've had sex with three people who have this birthday.
Tell me why i have 60 matches in 72 hours on tinder. Can i sell my tinder account like people used to sell their myspace pages and tumblrs when they had a lot of followers? Is that a thing?
Can we be gay Bert and Ernie for Halloween?
so, i take that as a legit invitation into his pants
It’s a dick. Seen one, seen em all. Unless it spews a fountain of tequila, I don’t need to see yours.
It's 3 am. Nothing I've tried can get the taste of failure and vomit out of my mouth.
Randomize
