I really wish I could go back in time to change the course of events that led to me sitting on the internet at 3 Googling 'Traumatic masturbation' while talking to you about failed dates, and running a virtual restaurant in a video game.
Best look from Detroit today: running across the street with your buttcheeks on display carrying a 40 oz. Or maybe being crazy-pregnant and screaming and slamming a pay phone. Toss up.
I kinda look like a classier blonde kenny powers.
Have you come up with a team name for the beer pong tournament on Saturday?
We can be the stepdads. If anyone asks why say because we beat you and you hate us.
Come over! I've just turned Titanic into a drinking game. I drink every time I want to fuck Leonardo DiCaprio.
do you think women who transgender themselves have the option of getting a circumcised or an uncircumcised dick?
We had literally Just finished having sex when he handed me a plan B and said he lied about wearing a condom.
She hadn't heard about the oil spill. She gave dumb blondes a whole new standard to aim for. I did her anyway...but that isn't the point.
You spent about half an hour trying to convince me that mesh condoms were a good idea.
Look dude, you cant keep blaming everything on the new years party. Its february...
i woke up with my wallet keys and phone missing and a treasure map to find them stapled to my shirt.
haha i know
I got offered a handle of vodka and tomato soup to bring his dog home. He knows me all too well.
He is full of southern hospitality and I want to be full of him.
you don't need to worry about using proper grammar if you're asking for the size of his dick.
Let the record show that I hate your ass.
Randomize
