I just heard a girl say "We can't go that way, it is a one way street." She was on foot...Nothing worse than girl from the midwest that move to NY to "live out their dream" -the dream of living in a rat and roach infested 200sqft for $2k a month, and get fucked by some recent Ithaca college frat grad...
yup put them legs up on your shoulders and eat her like some folgers
eat her like coffee?
so I woke up this morning and on their fridge, the first item on the shopping list was my virginity.
Life after highschool has not been kind to her. She looked fatter than Luke Wilson's face in those AT&T commercials.
so i just drove past a racoon and a kid on a long board... god i love 4am white castle runs
I wish I could put booze in boobs and store it for later. I wouldn't need a flask. For $7000, they should do amazing things like that.
Since you haven't talked to me since the rancid whipped cream fiasco, I'm going to assume we are no longer hooking up. But I need my handcuffs back. ASAP.
You sprayed lysol all over me. You said that my soberness was infecting your night.
Thanks for not locking your door. I had to pee and there was a random person throwing up in my bathroom so I used yours. \nPS I stole your soap
Oh Julie took your pants off last night, I put your pajama bottoms on, and Rachel took your bra off. It takes a village.
...I'm not a booty call or a pizza...you can't just call/text and expect to be eating me in an hour..
Because sadly the idea of me having a girlfriend is crazy enough to be an April fools prank
We were on the beach when you spilled sand in the bottle and said "relax it's vodka, it'll disinfect itself"
I am so so sorry I bit your butt last night. Twice.
Yeah but now he has a wife. It’s going to be different this year
So what. We’ve banged every Thanksgiving since high school. She just has to understand it’s a holiday tradition
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