conclusion of the day: americans need to get on tredmills, people need to learn how to flush toliets and learn how to pee in then instead of on them, and waiters shouldnt tell their life stories to customers.
Confidence margaritas not a good idea. Just said foreskin in my presentation instead of foresight.
Talking to a male stripper. About the LSAT. Only in Vegas.
Dude just walked down the street literally wearing nothing but a small box around his waist carrying a case of beer. I want to live here for the rest of my life.
If you are drunk already, then as your friend I am advising you to stop writing on your dads Facebook wall
Youre attempt to ruin my night by putting Date Rape by Sublime on my sex playlist failed. She was into it.
Now I know he's not trying to fuck me. He took me to lunch at White Castle.
SOS. HE HAS PASSED OUT AND IS LYING ON TOP OF ME. HE IS STILL INSIDE. HELP
She keeps feeding me drugs. Its like I'm her baby bird or something
somebody should make me the poster child for not drinking everclear..
No seriously you guys are gonna get arrested
Do me a favor I want you to reach down the front of your pants and underwear and just feel around for a while... if you happen to find your balls then join us
Sorry I didn't call this morning. Ended up with a decorated war veteran last night who besides finding the enemy, KNEW where the fuck my G spot was. He gets a medal in my book!
Everytime I feel sad about the break up; I recall that she is a Bernie supporter and feel all better
She asked what a chaser is. I died a little inside, please come back..
we should paint friendship bongs
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