The sky will open, cue choir of angels: "oh! wow! Matt was right! Not only will I grow out my bush, but I'm going to date straight, available men!"
He must hate going to the bathroom. Every time he does he is reminded how small his dick is.
After you took the handle off the bathroom door I had to coach the Scottish guy sitting on the toilet, throwing up in his own lap, how to put his pants back on. Yes, I think he won the drinking game.
You are in charge of making sure that her vagina explodes with joy tonight.
You guys need to get along, there is no need for a pissing contest...We're all fucking each others ex's.
when you wake up try not to move. we are betting to see if more sprinkles stuck to you or the pong table.
I pretty much have hash tequila and gelato for dinner every night
Homeboy was juggling while taking bong rips. Of course he got laid.
bro, your right, i shouldn't feel embarrassed about taking shots from a penis-shaped ice sculpture
I'm covered in European cum. How's your day going?
He's sweet and rough. A wonderful contradiction. He's the starburst of sex.
I woke up in the basement of a pizza restaurant... I would say the tequila hit me pretty hard.
You were trust falling into bushes
Shit is getting real. I just adjusted my search radius for my dating profile to ANY FUCKING WHERE
Sorry dude, one minute I was flirting with a bachelorette party from Dallas and the next I’m being tied to the bed by the bride
Trying to wrangle us an invite to the wedding
Randomize
