Just looked in the bathroom mirror before getting to this exam to see If I look as bad as I feel & the answer is no. I look amazing, even in yesterday's clothes
well, 500 bucks doesn't grown on trees, and i need that bear suit for any chance of vagina access.
Whatever. I'm saving myself for my wedding night or a night with enough patron.
my shower just felt like jesus cried on me. like he shed tears just for my shower.
Of course she said it wasn't that good, I don't bring my A game to pity fuck the thrice divorced girl from work
I'm sorry. I think I have multiple personalities. Or it was the acid. Either way. I'm sorry.
The strippers from this weekend suck at words with friends
I lost a little respect for your boyfriend when I learned that he has a scar from a Cheerio.
Don't let her tell you any different. She licked the balls of my hamster for that $100. It was a group bet. She won.
I need to do something profound in the next three and a half years so that when my kids ask what I did in my twenties I have something to say other than "made bad decisions"
Pretty sure I just puked up sand. And nothing else.
Final Summary: could he eat a lit sparkler? Probably. Could he do it while peeing off the roof? I'll tell you when you get to the ER.
Remember that time I hopped home naked from the bar, then tried to convince you I was ok to drive you home? Good call on the taxi.
So he noticed that I cut a half inch off of my hair. Guess who just earned himself some road head on the way to the twin cities?
Why is everyone giving me a hard time for drinking?!
Your in the library.
Randomize
