I wasn't pimping you out... I was helping you network!
There's a fat drunk walrus bitch here next to me and shes already puked and now falling on herself
OH FUCK NOW HER BOYFRIEND IS MAKING OUT WITH HER VOMIT HOLE
Sounds like a good blink 182 concert...
ya and he came three minutes into it because he didnt have sex all summer
oh that makes more sense i knew you arent that good
whatever. i fb stalked him and his pic comments are witty. so i'm going for it.
id pay someone 5 dollars to tell me whos house im at right now. comfy couch though
Will you come get her? She's trying to get the pizza guy into the bathtub.
I'm pretty sure we put the facepaint on during whippets
Emily is drunk. We're coming to see you at work and we're bringing jello shots for you.
Dont forget the glove box taco bell stash i saved for drunk us.
She wanted to to do it on top of a horse, I can't compete with that
Dear Beer Goggles, it's time to see the eye doctor. With love, your biggest fan.
I think there's a website warning girls about me based on the 4 who approached me separately tonight and called me evil. Fuckyoudave.com?
Once you mention butt plugs, conversations always take a turn for the worst.
How do you feel? I threw up in a towel. Also, a lot of other things.
His fucking flight got canceled because the president stopped at the airport he was flying out of... Fuckin Obama literally just cock blocked me
Randomize
