She can't keep using her latex allergy as an excuse to go bareback with everyone.
I'm like a new puppy, everybody wants to touch me
no, didnt close...
What?! she made the first move and invited you back to her place. thats like striking out in t-ball pathetic...
I worked with a girl tonight that recognized me solely from a keg stand she witnessed me do sophmore year. Needless to say this made my night
you just kept yelling "siddle that plaza" til the cab driver said it back...
well someone pooped in the lint basket in the laundry room last night, but none of us will admit to it so we're all just secretly judging each other and doubting ourselves.
You tripped over nothing.. everyone stopped what they were doing and stared..you stood up and yelled "you win this time gravity"..then started chugging someone's drink
I found them. Thank God. Now I'm gonna have to take a Xanax for the panic attack I almost had trying to find my Xanax.
Sexiest use of a semi colon this week, congratulations.
i can trust myself, just not when im drunk. and drinking is my favorite pastime
It's something you'd find in the room outside of Ben Carson's sex dungeon
I took a vibrator for a weekend with my parents instead of a boyfriend. I obviously have my life together.
We all just got ice cream, condoms, and toilet paper now were gonna go home and watch movies as a family.
Condoms?
Do I masturbate or eat a pound of matazah. Alissa help what do I do??
You know you have an interesting job when you go to work and have to Google search "How to get poop out of a dryer".
Randomize
