You poured sparks in your panties and NOW you're wondering why you have a UTI?
theres 5 guys on the side of the road with beads and their shirts off screaming at cars already.
A small child is toddling around the store, holding a coloring book and a shot glass. Thinking of you.
I hope my shame shaped pee stain outside your door goes away soon.
The only thing I'm asking santa for is my period.
And vodka?
And vodka.
ever had one of those days where you say fuck it and lick the inside of a bag of chips
This was the first time I've ever pushed myself until I vomited. Sorry, random couple laying on a dock at 8:30am. I would have picked a better spot so you didn't have to watch/listen to me vomit, but you guys were being MAD quiet. I had no idea you were there.
All three of my roommates have their significant others over. We're all hanging out in the living room. It's like I'm the trifecta of third-wheeling
It's 4 am here and I just vomited myself awake....Not rising OR shining any time soon
holy shit I was not prepared for her to whip out that dildo
Dude you literally tried to cook your phone in the microwave. You were so wasted you asked your mom to help you turn it on.
My mom always wanted to raise a classy lady, it just turned out to not be her daughter.
Do you know how close I got to throwing him over the edge of the canyon?
I'm covered in bite marks and have a cracked rib - was a good weekend
He was like 120 lbs and 20 of that was penis
Randomize
