you assured me you'd make it home safe because your pizza rolls were waiting up for you.
So gin and wine won't be happening again
At least the cops kept you away from sleeping with her. Protect and Serve.
i'm sure the inside of her vag looks like Normandy circa 1944
and yes i had to double check that date for that joke to be accurate
But life isn't just all about getting drunk & eating chicken strips.
And all I wanted you to do is stand there and sing who let the dogs out.
i don't know. but im upstairs in the closet with a burger i found in their fridge
So, I was thinking... Since this restraining order doesn't go into affect until monday, that leaves us 5 days to wreck his world.
Dude, you passed out sitting straight up AND in mid sentence last night
Taco trucks are like ice cream trucks for drunk adults. They should have a mariachi tune they play super loud to bring people out of the bars for tacos.
Did you just tell me you watch cartoon porn because it's more real?
I asked him to sing a song so he couldn't hear me throwing up as he was holding my hair
I just masterbated to the Lets Get Ready To Rumble theme
I usually do that but weve been going unprotected with tribal fertility symbols painted above my door
My fuck it list is complete! I finally got a firefighter!
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