Do you have swine flu?
I know my taste in men is not always top notch; however, I don't sleep with swine.
Pigs, yes. Swine, no.
i wanna make it FB official so he cant fuck anyone else. but that means i can't fuck anyone else either. CONUNDRUM
he just tried to lick my eyebrow. thats the deal breaker.
Why do I feel like I'm not the only one drinking to make my night class teacher look better?
How do you set tits on fire ? I swear her tits were on fire.
Just walked in on my older brother getting a bj. He told the girl to "keep going" and then attempted to high five me
just let her blow you already, it's practically animal cruelty at this point.
Dude, its flawless. what could go wrong?
Jail. That could go wrong.
He ate me out on the balcony. My asian neighbors cats are judging me...ALL 3 OF THEM!!
It's like a squid of pain has attached to my head and it spreading it's whorey tentacles all over.
Change the recording on your voicemail. He found your number and my ass print on the car hood.
My last 2 google image searches were 'a lot of pudding' followed by 'a generous portion of pudding'
So for St Paddys day I colored my junk green and got a little hat for him....wanna see it before I sober up....
He was only in jail for 4 hours before he was someone's prison wife
Do I need to call and sing lullabies? Because that's creepy, but I'm a really good friend.
Randomize
