we made a giant pot of alcholic jello. i filled a gallon bag and brought it to dorms. desk guy gave me weird looks, he doesnt realize this is how i will pass all of my room searches
She's "scared" of blowjobs, so she just played with it for a while.
You are missing out on the best boobs in town right now
Dude that bathroom stall was not tall enough to be doing lines in, guys kept peeking over and giving us high fives
I left boob prints on the hood of his car. Something to remember me by.
1. Sorry about making it snow. 2. If it left a mess, I will be over to clean it. 3. Can that fire extinguisher still be used? If not, I'll buy a new one. 4. I just wanted to make it snow!
ugh he was not leaving in the morning so i tried to scare him by crying and saying i wasnt ready to lose my virginity.
I NEED ANOTHER LEVEL OF CAPS TO EXPRESS TO YOU THE MAGNITUDE OF MY FADDEDNESS
There's a dead squirrel in the freezer. Is that what you stopped to get out of the road last night?
Can you explain the plethora of sunflower seeds in the dryer?
I just remember dedicating a shot to me giving you head so it was obviously a good night
No I need this job. I actually contemplated buying a vibrator with my dad's credit card the other night.
you should never start the day with a boob text. It can only go downhill from there
I used an explanation of Walking Marriages in the Mosuo Culture to successfully negotiate an open relationship. That Anthropology degree is finally starting to pay off.
I think my roomie is silently judging me for spraining my foot by having sex in a bounce house
so the bounce house and tequila was good idea then?
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