yea ive hooked up with like half those guys
and i've hooked up with the other half...when our powers combine, we are captain slutbag
The bartender told me the best pick-up line was to look deep into her eyes and tell her your gonna flick her vagina
I'd call her a cunt, but she dooesn't seem to have the depth or warmth.
she said, and i quote, "i want to black out with my rack out"
turns out making maccaroni and cheese with whipped cream instead of butter is only good when your high
She referred to her collection of sex toys as an "arsenal." I'm not sure whether to be scared or excited....
I can trace it back to that drunken night where we peed on each other in the shower.
I wish someone would just come knock on my door and fuck me already so that me and my stuffed animals aren't the only ones who see my amazing spring break tan. I'm not getting skin cancer so I can just sit here abstinent.
But I wanna cuddle and just put my hand awkwardly close to your penis area by accident and look at you
The sun and I are not on speaking terms this morning
You said dick pics aren't attractive
Random ones, from strangers, no. But a beautiful penis I know and love, absolutely :3
Did you just email Kelly and I gay dinosaur erotica?
I walked past his mum on the way out and she offered me toast in a napkin "for my travels". Being home from uni is weird.
Who brings a stripper to breakfast at the dining hall? What was the plan? Impress her with his meal plan?
I can’t believe you’re letting her use the Mercedes
It seemed like a better idea while she was giving me a hand job. It’s a good thing we weren’t having sex. Who knows what I would agree to during sex
Randomize