you have to choose: penises or morals?
I'm drunk in class and I'm pretty sure the bible freak behind me is saying a prayer for me
So from the residue on my balls I think it was mashed potatoes she had in her mouth
come in to starbucks and ill make you a 4loko latte before theyre banned
Succesfully slept on the roof at work for 3.5 hours without getting caught. I need a promotion
Lots of alcohol. 3rd graders fuck me now.
Auto correct or actual 3rd graders?
Until then we have the self affirmation from retweets and nights alone with pizza..
I don't think tequila will soothe the spots where my tonsils used to be.
Again? Most people check out of hotels, they don't escape from them
Also, the greatest of ironies: I got shampoo confiscated by security while Corey managed to get pot through. MERICA!
He offered to buy me free breakfast if I stayed at the hotel overnight with him. I then realized they have a complimentary breakfast.
Guy fieri is speaking only to me. We make eye contact. My whole body is vibrating. My head is purring. I am literally marbles.
Oh shit that's not good dude. I'd head straight for Williamsport hospital the first ingredient in that shit is lithium batteries. You don't want to know what the second one is
All I remember is your girlfriend laying on the bathroom floor and me crawling in and asking if it was okay to puke.
honestly, fuck you guys. i'm gonna get drunk by myself
Randomize
